Most times I get a blank expression.
And sometimes I get an opponent Ready to teach me a lesson.
I am not sure why I keep talking.
I wonder if I’m merely entertaining.
Do they really care about my story?
Do they really care to understand?
There are those who look at me deeply trying to understand but it’s momentary.
And then there are those who feel angrier than I do. Sometimes I think it is unnecessary.
And there are those who listen.
The ones who really listen. The ones who are listening.
The ones who listen with their whole being.
When a person outside of the ‘black’ race shows any interest in knowing more about my experiences as a black woman or my views on race, I always find myself assessing the situation before I answer. It is like I am subconsciously wanting to reassure the person that it is safe to talk about the subject with me. But I also want to assess how comfortable am I to express myself completely. Not everyone’s interest is genuine but rather fleeting. I never want to make someone feel like I am attacking them. Nor do I ever want to make myself a total victim. And though at times all I want to do is express my rage… I always hold back.